By now, most new year resolutions have been broken.  The optimism of the new year has either been fried in 40 + degree heat ( we are talking Celsius) or washed away in the never ending torrent of rain.

Wading in the storm water aside,  the new year has not disappointed.  The strategy that the powers to be have taken with my continual complaint is to treat it as though it is my delusion. Such is the extraordinary scope of my imagination that it is conjured the misspelling of one word in seven different ways twenty times.  It is only in my universe that the alphabet and filing have any sort of relationship.  It is only through my boredom that postcodes are four number combinations.

So we thought, let’s apply my imagination to INTHEBLACK’S 2016 Office Trends:  As usual, the italics are mine.

  1. New Desks: ‘Sitting is the New Smoking’.  Nope, my imagination can’t stretch to accommodate a standing desk in the new 11 months.  Next!
  2. Activity-based working aka Collaboration. Hahahahahahahahahaha…ha.  Next!
  3. New Facilities: is the introduction of “end-of-trip” facilities such as showers, bike parking, changing rooms and lockers.  Google we are not,  Next! 
  4.  Diversity: believes businesses will start to encourage staff to travel and bring their experiences back into the business with them.  Not quite my definition of diversity.  We would call this minimising the annual leave liability. 
  5.  Co-mentoring: businesses are pairing senior staff, who have a wealth of knowledge, with younger staff with technological know-how in a co-learning relationship.  Didn’t they make a movie about this? The Intern?
  6. Flexibility: Work/Life balance.  A new trend for 2016??
  7. Wellness technology: Cloud + living green walls, sleeping pods or comfortable seating options for quiet activities. Sometimes, you can’t make this up.  Um, is someone going to break the news that plants and beds are not high tech or new.
  8. Social media rising:Businesses will be able to use data about how staff work to design better workplaces. For instance, if data shows staff routinely take work home to complete after hours, management will be able to use this information to manage workflow more appropriately, and to keep an eye on staff to ensure they are not overworking. We think this is called Data Mining not Social Media.  No, management will not redesign work processes if people will work overtime for free.
  9. Incentives:focusing on building an ongoing culture of growth and opportunity. “Create an environment where the assistant salesperson you hired today will quickly become a section manager, a floor manager or the manager of a new retail outlet. That is either a top heavy organisation or a toxic culture.
  10. Management: performance appraisals could well become redundant.  They already are.

Happy 2016!!!

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